YouTube animator hotdiggedydemon has called off his previously announced plan to seek an assisted death in Switzerland, saying the intense reaction from fans “snapped me back to reality.”
Max Gilardi, better known online as hotdiggedydemon, has more than 2.1 million YouTube subscribers and is known for animated series including PONY.MOV, Jerry, and Brain Dump.
On August 1, Gilardi announced that he intended to pursue an assisted death after years of worsening health and financial struggles. He was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2024 and has described experiencing chronic pain, fatigue, cognitive problems, and an unexplained condition that causes excessive saliva and mucus production.
Gilardi had not submitted an application or set a date for his death. One day after his announcement, he wrote on X that he was “not thinking clearly” and would reassess the decision.
Hotdiggedydemon says fans changed his mind
During a follow-up livestream, Gilardi confirmed that he had changed his mind within 48 hours after seeing how deeply his announcement had affected fans, friends, and people close to him.
He explained that he initially believed viewers might understand his reasoning if he presented it carefully, even if they found his decision upsetting.
However, the response was far more intense than he expected.
“You guys have sort of snapped me back to reality with that reaction,” he said. “Now I think I better understand the size of the deal that I thought was not a big deal.”
Gilardi said he began feeling guilt and shame after seeing how many people were hurt by the announcement. He also described receiving a tearful voice message from a friend and having police sent to his home by his brother-in-law.
“If I’m really hurting this many people, morally, I can’t do it,” he said. “I don’t have the heart.”
The animator stressed that his decision does not mean his health or financial situation has improved. He said he still believes much of the reasoning behind his original announcement and fears that the same conversation could happen again several years from now.
“Nothing has really changed here. But maybe someday I’ll feel better,” he said. “Now I have to have hope because now whatever happens, I will be here for it.”
For now, Gilardi said he intends to “hang on” and keep trying. He plans to take the remainder of the week away from streaming to relax, play video games, and spend time outside his apartment before returning the following week.
“Things are hard, but maybe someday they won’t be so hard,” he concluded.
I’m Abhishek Sharma, an author at TigerJek.com. I enjoy exploring games, testing different strategies, and turning what I learn into clear, useful guides. My goal is to help players understand the game better and improve without the usual confusion.
